With tentative fingers I type in the words to search for agents who might be looking for new clients, who might find my work matches their needs. I have avoided this task, using every excuse in the book about why I can’t do it.
My internet connection isn’t good.
I don’t have the money to spend to buy the listing.
I don’t know where my book fits in, it doesn’t fall easily into one category.
I’m waiting for a response from my readers.
I need to go over it one more time.
Yada, yada, yada.
But they are all just excuses, and I know that.
Because here’s the truth. My manuscript is ready and has been for months. The only thing that has held me back is the thing that always holds me back.
But what, exactly, am I afraid of?
Rejection stinks.It is soul-sucking. It makes you want to crawl under the covers and suck your thumb. But, with the amount of times I have been rejected/disappointed from things that I thought would be a breeze, I know that I can and will always survive rejection.
The worst thing they can do is say no, or not reply at all.
That’s not true. The worst thing they could do would be to tell me that my writing is awful, that there is no hope for me, that I should just burn it and crawl under a rock.
But that’s not going to happen. I may not be a match for certain agents/editors/publishers, but I’ve already proven to myself (and others) that my words are not terrible. The few people who have read the manuscript have enjoyed it, as did those who read my first manuscript which also lies in my files gathering dust. (For a description of the book click here) Those of you who have joined me here haven’t run away (yet) because of my lack of ability with words. I even, occasionally, write things people enjoy reading.
So again I ask, what am I afraid of?
I know that, no matter what happens, I have something to be proud of. I’ve written a book (well actually two). I’ve finished and entire manuscript. I wrote characters, story, plot, atmosphere, and everything else. That has always been a dream, and I’ve achieved it.
Of course I want to publish. Of course I would love to make a little money from it. Of course I dream that my little (ahem . . . . 92,145 word) manuscript find a life of its own separate from my desk and my computer. But, even if it never happens, I achieved one goal.
The rest is just icing.
So what am I afraid of?
If I could answer that, I’d get so much more work done.
What are you afraid of? Do you know what I’m afraid of?