Q is for Quitting

From Natalie Dee

I am a quitter.

I quit.

I am quitting!

You may notice a missing button on my blog today because I am officially quitting the Post A Day 2011 challenge.

Call me quitter if you want, but I think it is the right thing to do.

Why, you ask? For a number of reasons which I will now share:

  • Sure it has helped me commit to daily writing. But about the only daily writing I am doing is the posts. Have I started any new projects? No. Have I focused on any of the projects I already started? No. Have I gotten my book published? No. Have I written query letters or books proposals? No. (Although I have done some letter writing and other writing for work).
  • If you look at my Tag cloud, the tag that stands out is Postaday2011. I don’t really want to be a blog known for posting. I want to be someone who posts about art and education, about life and people, about creativity and imagination, about concerns and dreams. I want people to visit me because they think I have interesting things to say; and that I say things in interesting ways.
  • As I read comments on other people’s posts who seem to be struggling with Post a Day, I’ve come to question the commitment. Was this challenge started to help us find our voices or to help WordPress boost its numbers? I don’t want to obsess about numbers anymore. Yes, I would like to be able to, someday, make a living with my writing. But the chances of me being discovered because I have a zillion hits on my blog (which I don’t but I actually am approaching 10,000) are probably a zillion to one. The only way I am ever going to get published and paid for that work is to actually work on projects that people want to pay for.
  • That doesn’t mean I’m giving up blogging. I’ve discovered something wonderful here. I’ve discovered a group of friends. I’ve discovered a joy in the diversity of ideas and the exchange of support. I want to continue to build those relationships and grow from this sharing of ideas, thoughts, memories and dreams. But I don’t want to do this because I committed to a challenge that I’ve moved beyond. I want this relationship to grow because it is really a relationship, and because I have something to say that someone wants to read, and vice versa.
  • I may even quit the A to Z challenge, but there are only 9 letters left, so I may consider that a writing assignment and keep going. It depends on how I feel tomorrow.

So there you have it folks. I am officially a quitter, but I’m okay with that.

Anyone care to join me?

Notes on Nothing, Notes on Everything.

I’m making a double N post today, because the post I just posted about Nathan wasn’t the one I originally started with and because I have been up since 3am but still cannot sleep. I understand if you choose not to read all of my posts. :) But, to quote a comment from Kaye Peters of Have Coffee . . . Will Write on one of my recent posts, “you’re posting like a woman possessed”. Possessed . . . manic . . . whatever, I’m simply going with the flow right now. So here are a few notes:

More Marsha Norman

“Write what you urgently need to write.” Those were Marsha Norman’s words  when asked if she had ever returned to a work she gave up on. “If it is over two years, don’t try to go back.”

Now, of course she was talking specifically about writing plays, but her point resonated with me. Basically she argued that if you are still struggling with something after two years, then maybe that is not the story that you need to tell. Maybe it is not your story to tell.

I have so many stories that I began but never finished. I have so many possible plans for books and other writing ideas that I couldn’t follow through. I have also always thought that I have a story that I have yet to discover, a story that truly needs to be told. It grows inside me until someday, I hope, it will burst out of me. The words will speak through me.

I just hope that happens soon.

She also talked about characters speaking through her, rather than her creating them.  I have only had a few moments where that has happened. Where the words and the voice of the character just poured through me and into my fingers. It is a powerful sensation, and one I yearn to feel again.

I want to be open and receptive to that energy.

New Thanks

Much to my surprise, yesterday I was honored with another blogging award. The Inspiring Blog award given to me by Dierdre Coppel from A Story Book World.  Talk about inspiring, Dierdre is an incredibly talented writer and artist who does everything from creating her own artwork (including this beautiful award among others) and interviewing publishers and editors, to writing fantasies and delving into the paranormal. I am truly honored that she chose me for this award. Please go visit her site. You won’t regret it.

New Updates

  • My scene seems to be getting good responses. Rumor has it that M.N. might come see it today.
  • My panel went well and led to an interesting discussion on the value of theater in general
  • I apologize for falling behind on reading this week, but I am proud of myself for regaining a little control over this blogging obsession of mine. :)
  • I actually submitted my Moon Lady, which I’ve really titled “Rebirth of Japan” to an art show. Insanity, I know.

I think that is all for now except that I feel like everyone out there (myself included) needs another  good virtual hug. So here you go (and I know I have used this image before, but how can you go wrong with Calvin and Hobbes?)


Nathan

4:23 AM and Nathan is not home.

I can’t sleep. I woke up just after 3 am to notice the gaping emptiness of the bed next to me, and I could not go back to sleep.

He started working at 8 AM yesterday morning, and as far as I know he is still working.

Nathan is an incredibly talented designer as well as an incredible technical director. He is one of the hardest working people I know. He can’t stop. Where I have the ability tendency to embrace laziness in between bursts of activity, he is always doing something. He loves to cook, so he does most of the cooking. I hate laundry (plus we have to go to a laundromat for the time being) so he does the laundry. Lest you think I do nothing, I tend to be the cleaner/organizer. I keep track of the schedules and the bills.  But he does a lot of the stuff around the house because he cannot be still.

And, to be honest, because he cannot say “No.” Nor does he stand up for himself even if it is the saner option. His attitude seems to be “If that is what you want, I’ll make it happen. I’ll find a way how.”

That’s a wonderful thing, except when his willingness to give everyone the ideal leads to 4:30 in the morning. That is when mistakes and injuries can occur–and often those happen to him.

I can’t sleep.

That explains this moment.  He is still at the theater after putting up an unrealistically huge and (in my opinion) unrealistically expensive set in one day, he now (I assume) is finessing the lights for his design. Yes, it is his job, and the set needed to happen. But the problem lies in the fact that this huge set is not really a theater set. In your typical theater set you use flats and less expensive material in order to create an illusion of the real locations. But the designer of this set (who is from somewhere else) as well as the producer of this festival insisted on REAL material and SOLID construction. To be fair, Nathan expressed concern and objected, but in typical fashion he backed down and gave in. That would have been okay except for a few unexpected glitches in the plan 1) the person who was supposed to take on sections of the set to help build them had a family emergency; 2) the designer chose not to come and help (because this was not a paid design); 3) the technical assistance that he was hoping to get from some people we have worked with in the past fell through because nobody wanted to work for free (surprise, surprise) and 4) some of the students here seem to think that scholarship hours are optional and he has basically been building the entire thing himself.

Wait . . . 4:41 AM and the door just opened. He’s home, exhausted and not thinking straight. He just said, “I’m not done. The patch is wrong. The stage isn’t cleared. They need to be on the stage at 9:30. I have to go back by 8am.”

Not taken just now, but . . .

Then he started babbling  listing things yet to do–not all of which he should have to deal with.

I was intending this post to be only about how wonderful Nathan is, but it seems to be turning into a little rant. I apologize for that.  Nathan is a kind husband, father, and my best friend. He is a gentle man who loves simple and sometimes silly things. But, perhaps his fatal flaw is wanting to please everybody and losing himself in the process. Tonight is an excellent example.

Looks like I’m about to put on my Super Woman outfit and protect my family. I will try to step into his shoes for a little while so that the poor man can sleep. I also might have to step in and plead for some sanity instead of the “Inge-sanity” that seems to rule right now. As I just posted in Facebook: “Ingesanity + Ingesomina=One Very Angry Woman.

This should be interesting.

M is for “Marcia”, Marsha, Marcia and Magic

Who hasn’t had some Marsha’s in their lives?

My big sister Deb was my Marsha Brady. Growing up I always felt like she was better at everything. She was slim and gorgeous. Boys liked her. She was more athletic. She could paint. She was smart. She was popular.

Sometimes I felt like Jan. Sometimes I felt like Cindy. I lived in her shadow for a long time, and even have had moments as an adult where I felt like I could never live up to her glory. But, slowly I have stopped the comparisons and learned some of the ways that I overshadow her. I admire and respect her, but I no longer any desire to be her.

But today I want to talk about two other Marsha’s, who have also influenced me in some ways. The first I mentioned yesterday, the Pulitzer Prize Winning playwright, Marsha Norman.

The first presentation of the scene I directed seemed to go over well, including some tears in the audience. It wasn’t perfect, but that had to do with a minor annoyance and I took care of that. Of course, Marsha Norman didn’t see it, so the nerves are still there. This pictures is a little blurry, but it is of my actresses performing at the bottom of the stairs in the William Inge Boyhood Home. These are the stairs that inspired Dark at the Top of the Stairs.

Later in the day I attended a panel discussion with Marsha Norman and Sheldon Harnick discussing Adaptation for the Stage.  Both had amazing things to share. Sheldon has this vast history in musical theater working with some of the biggest names and he is a delightful story-teller. Marsha has the talent and power of a woman who has succeeded where many women still struggle. She said a few things that really resonated with me that I thought I would share.

When discussing how you choose a book to turn into a musical and how you approach that daunting task, she discussed the importance of reading the story to discover why people want to see it again and again in different forms (for example The Secret Garden). In the case of this story, she argued that people love to find hope.

The third Marcia I would like to mention today is another playwright, Marcia Cebulska.

Marcia is an incredible women that I have had the privilege of getting to know since I moved to Kansas. She is working on The Greensburg Project, where she will write a play developed by working with the citizens of Greensburg, KS about their lives after surviving a tornado in 2007. She was one of the women I worked with during the intensive theater workshop (which was the initiating workshop for the Greensburg project) which I wrote about in my post called “I Love Women”. I also facilitated a staged reading of her play The Bones of Butterflies which is a beautiful story  that focuses on the migration of monarch butterflies and the relationship a daughter and her missing father. That description doesn’t do the play justice, but it is a hauntingly beautiful and powerful piece. I attended a panel discussion with this Marcia as well today, where they discussed more details about the Greensburg Project. Unfortunately I had to miss her other workshop, where the discussion revolved around giving authentic voices to the characters when doing worked based on real stories. The more I get to know this amazing woman, the more I want to learn from her–about how to incorporate my passion and the respect she has for others into the words I pour on the page.  I am so lucky to have met her,  and hope to get to know her better.

The day ended with me getting a kind of surreal lecture from a conference guest about the “real reasons” behind the Inge Festival and why it should take years for me to get any recognition (even though he doesn’t know a thing about me, and was basically implying that I don’t work hard enough. If any of my few readers have learned anything about me it is that I work . . . hard.) Luckily, this discussion was cut short by the blare of  tornado sirens. This is the first time I’ve ever been happy to hear the. ;) The tornado cleared the area, and the day shifted to that beautiful post-storm, end of day light including one of the most magical things in the world.

So there you have it, the Marsha’s who have influenced my world with a little bit of magic included. Okay, they aren’t all named Marsha, but they all have made me think about how I view myself, others, my relationship to community, and my responsibilities as a creative person in this world.

I’m learning a lot this week.

L is for Late Nights and Legends

I begin writing this post at 11:30 pm Wednesday evening. I probably won’t publish it until after a I sleep a little (so I can check more clearly for flow and such) but I cannot help but write. My head is full of music and song. My dreams are full of possibility. Despite the fact that I probably got about a cumulative 3 hours of sleep on Tuesday night, I cannot lie down yet. I also won’t be able to completely rest until Nathan gets home, and he will probably be working until at least midnight after starting at 7:30 am.

Why such crazy hours? Why the mind full of chaos?

Wednesday was the beginning of the William Inge Theatre Festival here in Independence, KS.

William Inge

 

What is that you ask? Well, it is one of the main reasons that we made the move here. William Inge was an American Playwright who was born here in Independence. The festival that grew to honor his memory focuses on playwrights, each year handing out awards for new plays as well as honoring one specific playwright for his/her entire body of work and commitment to the field. For better descriptions of this event, visit the blog called Postcards from the Inge.

Sheldon Harnick

I spent the evening watching a the premiere staged reading of a new musical by Sheldon Harnick (who wrote Fiddler on the Roof) called A Docter in Spite of Himself that was based on a Moliere play. It was fun, fabulous, and truly entertaining. The cast, who flew in for this reading and the festival, included Tony Award winner Cady Huffman (The Producers) and Anthony (Rapp). (By the way, excuse the name dropping, but it will help you get a bigger picture of the whole event.)

Marsha Norman

This year the honoree happens to be one of my favorite female playwrights, Marsha Norman, who won the Pulitzer Prize for ‘Night Mother and as well as a Tony Award for the book of Secret Garden. She also wrote a play that I directed years ago called Getting Out and it was one of the best directing experiences I’ve ever had. The following slide show contains shots from that production presented at Castleton State College in Vermont.

I’m nervous about meeting this talented woman.

As part of the festival which includes workshops and other play readings, I am directing a scene to be presented at William Inge’s boyhood home. The scene is from ‘Night Mother and Marsha Norman might actually come see it.

What if she hates it? What if she loves it? What if she says nothing at all?

My actresses are fabulous and we worked really hard. It is a heart-wrenching scene, and I think we have all done good work.

So I think it will hurt the most if she says nothing at all.

I’m also doing a Panel about Theater for Young Audiences, but I don’t really know what we are discussing. I could make a complete fool of myself, or I could say some intelligent thing.

This could be the week that I collapse before legends, or it could be the week that I shoot for the stars.  Let’s hope for the latter.

I is for “Incredible, Edible” Ice Cream

Chocolate ice cream

Image via Wikipedia

As the days get hotter I only want to eat cool foods. Salads, fresh fruit, and of course, ICE CREAM!

I don’t always want ice cream, but when I do I often think this is the perfect food. Yes, I know it has lots of fat and calories and sugar, but, if you get the right kind of ice cream it fulfills all sorts of nutritional needs, besides the fact that it sooths the soul. ;) After all, most women don’t get enough calcium in their diet. What yummier way than to eat a little ice cream? But ice cream provides more than just calcium alone!

For example, yesterday after our quest for Dairy Queen failed (another count against this town) we ended up at Braun’s for ice cream and I ordered a small cup of German Chocolate. Now, in my naiveté I thought that would simply be a rich chocolate ice cream, but of course it was actually German Chocolate Cake ice cream. So it included: pecans (protein and fiber) and coconut (protein, vitamin A, vitamin C and calcium) So, according to Calorie Count at About.com, my little journey into a decadent treat added this to my day (Note that I am actually writing this immediately after eating the treat, so these numbers will change later on):

  • 300 calories (okay, that’s not great, but I still have over 400 calories to eat today)
  • 36 carbs (but my carbs are still too low for the day)
  • 5 grams of protein. I still need more.
  • 16 grams of fat . . . um , I’ll just deny that. And I am still in the good range for the day.
  • 9 grams of saturated fat. Harrumph. :P
  • 45 mg of cholesterol. Not great but not bad. And I just started a medication to beat that silly cholesterol out of my system. Do you think this will set me back?
  • 150 mg of salt. Not great, not bad. Why does there have to be salt in everything?
  • 1 g. of fiber. Woo hoo!
  • 35 g. of sugar. So . . . it is a treat!
  • 400 IU of Vitamin A. See, it’s got vitamins.
  • 1.2 mg of Vitamin C. You can’t get enough of that.
  • 150 mg. of Calcium. I’m going to get enough calcium today! Yay me!
  • 1.1 mg. of Iron. That’s pretty awesome

Now I just need to figure out how to get some potassium in there and it will be almost the perfect meal. Aha! Easy solution for that:

And of course, I chose an ice cream that includes the most important food group. Okay, it’s not listed on the nutrition charts, but most women will agree with me that the most important food group is . . .

CHOCOLATE!!!

Now, I would like to point out that I’ve lost 15 lbs recently and am on the road to many more. I’m taking care of my health and trying to get more exercise on a regular basis. Did you know that sitting and typing/ writing for about an hour burns approximately 143 calories?

But sometimes you still have to eat ice cream.

Who wants to join me in a banana split?

Ice Cream and Nostalgia

Addition on Monday morning . . .

Isn't that a great porch?

After I wrote the draft of this post, I headed to the William Inge Family home for a rehearsal of a scene that will be held there this week. I was a little early, so I sat on the fabulous front porch (my favorite part of the old house) and enjoyed the sunshine at the end of the day. The smell of lilacs wafted over to me from the tree nearby. Bright butterflies made visits, drawn by the sweet smell. In the distance, I though I heard a tinkle of music that sounded like someone’s cell phone playing a lively, old-fashioned tune. When one of my actors arrived, a local girl, I heard it even more clearly.

“What is that?” I asked.

“The ice cream truck.”

I sat back and smiled.

H is for . . .

I have been struggling a little today, with a blank screen and a blank mind. This will be a week of juggling too many balls at once, and I am feeling overwhelmed. When I posted on Facebook that I had nothing to say and no “H” words to write about, my dear friend Beth suggested that perhaps I need to write about the word HELP! I took that idea, and then borrowed a little from the inspiration of the wonderful Kathy McCullough at Reinventing the Event Horizon who has been sharing her fabulous art that reveals so much of the pain and beauty in her psyche. I thought I’d take to color and paper, and see where my mind brought me. This is the result:

H is for the Hills that I have yet to climb.

His for the Hopelessness that builds inside.

H is for Happiness I yearn for and Hope to find.

H is for the Heaven in my daughter’s Hazel eyes.

H is for the Home and the Hearth of my dreams

H is for the Hurt that I try to abate.

H is for Hunger that I Hope to feed.

H is for the Humor that Helps me Live.

G is for (G)not Posting Garbage

Since I am trying to be kinder to myself in this blogging world, and work on developing quality instead of quantity, I thought I would again link you to some past posts that I am proud of rather than glopping together something that smells like garbage for today’s post. Oddly enough, many of my G-posts seem to reflect on society and are more serious. Read them if you wish, but I understand if you don’t.  Note: I have reactivated comments on past posts for a short while. I got rid of them because it cuts down on spam, but I realized that I should reopen it if I’m going to refer you to past posts.

  • As a passionate advocate for the importance of arts and humanities in the schools, this discussion is close to my heart, The Great Debate: Humanities Vs. Science.
  • I become more and more aware of the continued inequalities surrounding gender, and watch my daughter fall into the traps of what it means to be a girl. One day I asked why in Marketing Gender.
  • Bullying is something we should all be concerned about. I personally want to do something about it, using drama in the schools (somehow). I also am a Gleek. So, this post combines those two interests!

Thanks for bearing with me as I struggle with a little writer’s block, but am still trying to live up to the A to Z Challenge.

Have a GREAT Day!

Freaking 4 AM!

It never fails. For some reason I wake up every day somewhere between four and five am for absolutely NO REASON! And of course, that ruins my sleep. No, it’s not to go to the bathroom. Well sometimes it is, but more often it’s not. I just wake up. On a good day I wake up, I roll over into a new position, and I go back to sleep. On a bad day, I wake up, and my mind starts focusing on ridiculous things so that I struggle to go back to sleep.  This morning at four am my mind started thinking about everything I could write about that starts with the letter

So much for my being kind to myself about posting. “Forget about it!”

Thinking about it, however, made me realize that I have already written a lot of F posts. So, I’m going to link you to a few of those. If you don’t feel like reading them, that’s perfectly fine but these include some of my favorite posts:

There you have it folks some of my favorite posts, all with the theme of F. Maybe 4:o0 AM isn’t so bad after all.

E at Eighteen

Eighteen lives an exciting life.
Every dream has potential
Every idea is new.

Eighteen plus Eighteen
Every day is about another
Every dream is for another
Every idea helps her grow.

Eighteen plus Eighteen plus Eighteen
enters the unknown.