Protecting My Truths


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Sometimes it seems I must hide my truths away deep in the caverns of a dark cave accessible only across a rocky shore whose sand bites into feet with remnants of shell and bone glass and stone. I yearn for … Continue reading

Challenging Thankfulness


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This morning I read a blog post written by the fabulous (and hilarious) Tori (Nelson) Young called “Glue Sticks & A Gratitude Malfunction” where she writes of a discussion with her son that ended something like this: Well, could there … Continue reading

I Admit . . . It’s NOT Enough!


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That’s my magic number as of this morning for my National Novel Writing Month manuscript called (for now) “The Unseen”. That means that over the next couple of days I will reach the goal of 50,000 words in one month, … Continue reading

Creating the House of Dreams


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Many years ago–before we walked down the aisle or even talked about marriage, before Sarah came into the picture and the need to make a living to support our family became all-consuming–Nathan and I would sometimes go to bookstores and … Continue reading

Time to Stop Talking and Start Doing


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I have a confession to make. I am a big dreamer who accomplishes a lot of things,  but when it comes to that last push–the scariest step–I often stop before I try. However, over the past few weeks or months … Continue reading

Where do you Begin?


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When you know that something has to change Where do you begin? When  your heart screams out this must be fixed Where do you begin? When your head is filled with too many thoughts Where do you begin? When you … Continue reading

The Mind/Body Dichotomy

I suppose it happens to everyone. Inside we think of ourselves as an age that speaks to us (my internal age varies between 18 and around 25 or 26).

Sometimes I am still that person who just graduated high school, and believes in the possibility that all my dreams can come true. I am still the person who is a little shy and insecure and wants desperately to be connected with amazing people.

My high school graduation picture.

My high school graduation picture.

Sometimes I am the person in her twenties whose gained a little more confidence and begun to see the world as  simultaneously huge and tiny. I still have big dreams, but I also recognize that dreams only come true with lots of hard work. I am determined to find and create a life for myself, without relying on anyone else and without limiting my possibilities.

Twenty-something in Hawaii.

Twenty-something in Hawaii.

But then I look in the mirror or talk to someone who is living those times and the reality sets in. Or someone (who is not my daughter) calls me Mom (I hate that). While I still feel like those younger versions of myself, and I still carry them within me, the reality is very different. I am now a middle-aged woman, with a husband and a child, a lot of extra weight, and things to think about like cholesterol and blood pressure. I am now on the line when my dreams don’t seem to count as much, and they seem even harder to achieve.

Adventure on a night barge.

Adventure on a night barge.

I sometimes wonder what happened to those younger versions of myself. I sometimes feel as if they are so close I can touch them. I sometimes think I can rediscover them if only I could lose weight or eat better or exercise more.

But the truth is that my wrinkles have begun to settle in and my hair is shifting toward a blonde white. The truth is I have more chins than I ever imagined, and my story is now told in the smile and laugh lines on my face. The truth is that my body will never be as agile as it was once, nor as strong.

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But all those truths don’t matter.

I may not be able to party until all hours with the young dreamers that surround me, or work on little sleep while ignoring any aches and pains. I may not have the stamina for things I had when I was younger (although to be fair to myself I was never really an all night party person anyway). But, I can still think, dream and challenge myself. I can still set goals and make things happen, and I make fewer mistakes along the way. Life still has a way of surprising me, and I don’t intend to stop embracing those surprises.

In a worlds (or a least a country) where youth is so often valued over maturity, I’m ready to say “screw that.”

I’ve lived an interesting life, and I plan to continue to do so, taking all of my inner selves along for the journey.

Do you ever feel a conflict between your body and your mental age? Do you ever let it stop you? How has your life changed as you’ve matured?

It’s a Musical Life

In my next life, I want to come back as a musician. Or, I want to live in an alternative world where everything is expressed in song.

This summer has been full of song, and each musical moment only serves to spark something within me. Call it the desire to live as passionately as the music that pours out of people’s fingers, mouths, hearts and souls. I can’t watch or listen to a musician without thinking that’s how I want to live my life!

Last night I got a spontaneous opportunity to see Marilyn Maye perform. (A friend of a friend had tickets but then came down with bronchitis and possibly pneumonia–grateful that she gave us the tickets, but sad that she is sick. Send healing thoughts.)

This incredible performer is 85 years old. The show was fun, fabulous and wonderful. I laughed, I teared up, I got lost in the powerful performances of musicians who have mastered their craft, and a singer who exudes love and joy with every note.

I want to be like that in 40 years.

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Music speaks beyond words. Song carries us into a world of emotion and meaning that joins us with the energy that connects us all.

Music holds the power and secret of living each moment to the fullest.

Towards the end of the evening, Ms. Maye sang a medley of rainbow songs , starting with the song “Look to the Rainbow” from Finnian’s Rainbow, a song (and musical) that I’ve always loved.

On the day I was born,
Said my father, said he.
I’ve an elegant legacy
Waitin’ for ye,
‘Tis a rhyme for your lips
And a song for your heart,
To sing it whenever
The world falls apart.

Look, look
Look to the rainbow.
Follow it over the hill
And the stream.
Look, look
Look to the rainbow.
Follow the fellow
Who follows a dream.


While I may not believe that everyone needs to “follow the fellow” I do believe that we can learn so much from following the people who follow their dreams. These are the people who have learned that life is too short not to do things you love. I know they too have ups and downs in life. They love, struggle, fail, cry, hurt, laugh, and make mistakes just like everyone else. But, I admire the people who can wake each day with a song in their heart or words on their fingertips and share their passion with the world simply out of joy.

Maybe I shouldn’t wait for my next life, maybe it’s time so look to my own rainbow and sing.

Or maybe my song is in my words.

If you look to the rainbow, what do you see?

Another angle of rainbow