Do you ever feel like you are caught in a cycle of trying to fit in with the “cool kids” and never quite making it? It’s like you are trapped in a never-ending vortex of middle-school/high school hell.
I find myself in that place often . . . struggling to feel like I belong, like I fit in. But I really don’t.
Here’s the thing, though, that I’ve realized. I’m okay with not fitting in: I accept that I will never be the cool, popular one.
How do I know? Here is a list of why I’ll never be cool enough:
- I don’t really drink that much. Once in a while I will have something, but I often have a bad (allergic?) reaction to alcohol so choose my drinks wisely. The cool kids bond over their alcoholic beverages.
- I only swear when I mean it. When I was in high school, I made a huge effort to swear, as I tried to combat the “goodie goodie” image that I seemed to carry with me. But, in general, I only swear when I am really, really upset about something. So not cool.
- I don’t talk about sex a lot. The cool kids seem to find discussions of sex a part of their daily agenda. Their sexuality is part of who they are. I tend to be shy about my sex life, and I’m okay with that.
- I am not a party animal. I would rather hang out with a few people and have an intimate conversation than party with a big group. Sometimes I’d rather stay at home, read books, or watch the Gilmore Girls or Daria on video. On one of my rare nights off this summer, I chose to go sing with a women’s a capella group rather than drink. Cool kids seem to party all the time.
- I don’t spend a lot of time trying to look good. Don’t get me wrong, I like to dress nicely (sometimes) especially now that I’ve lost weight and feel better about my body. But, I don’t wear a lot of makeup or have a huge wardrobe. I dress for comfort and am only just discovering my own style.
- I talk to stuffed animals and love puppets. I have to face the fact that I am a child at heart, and always will be. I choose to watch children’s shows and movies all the time. Nathan aids and abets my passion for communicating with cute fuzzy objects–he’s as uncool as I am. When I am chaperoning a school trip, I’d rather talk to Sarah’s friends than the other adults in the group. The cool people seem to always talk amongst themselves.
So the reality of Lisa is this–living life on my own terms means accepting that I’ll never be cool, and may never really fit in.
I think I’m okay with that.
Are you cool? Do you ever feel like you don’t belong anywhere? Do you live life on your own terms?
In P.O.W.ER, Andra BetScrivener doesn’t worry about whether or not she is cool–she is who she is. Buy your copy and read it today.